I’m posting this really early in the morning, so I’ll probably look back at this and none of it will make sense. I realise I haven’t posted anything in a while, but as odd as this may sound, my head has been completely free of any form of note-worthy thoughts for a long while. The reason I’m writing this here, in public, and not in my diary¹ is because I’m actually looking for people’s opinions. I’ll be severely disappointed if I don’t get at least one reply to this. I know this website isn’t as popular as it probably could be had I kept it regularly updated but I imagine it’ll get around.

I’m curious, what do people believe makes a good friendship? I’ve always assumed it comes down to trust. In the end, no matter what happens, as long as the trust is there, the friendship will remain strong. And that’s because trust relates back to everything. You want a friend that makes you feel comfortable? Well, would you feel comfortable around someone you can’t trust? You want a friend to always be there for you? If you can’t trust them, how do you know they’ll be there for you when you most need it? You can apply this to any “necessary” quality that is required to make a friendship.

I’m sort of talking nonsense here but I think I’m on to something. Another point is, how much trust is enough? Do you need full, 100%, blind devotion trust? Or just basic, minimal, don’t-stab-me-in-the-back trust? And does the trust need to be reciprocated? All of these are important factors. I know a friend isn’t like a business transaction where you weigh up the pros and cons, but if a friend that you trust completely tells you they don’t trust you back, what are you supposed to do with that? How do you deal with it? Perhaps a pros and cons list would be the best idea.

Hmmm, I think that’s enough for tonight. Or, this morning. I can barely keep my eyes open whilst writing this nonsense.

Oh, a last thing. I love Lady Gaga. So much. All her music. She herself. Everything about Lady Gaga I love. If someone knows about meeting her… I’d be interested.

^{1. Not that I have a diary…}

My new shoes

I realised I hadn’t written anything in quite a while and I think it’s probably because I don’t have anything to write about. The summer’s here and I’ve not been out much since I’ve finished college, so I haven’t had much… “interaction”, as it were, with things that might give me a stimulus to write about. Well, actually, I did go out, but it was only to go shopping. And even then I literally just ran into Primark, bought what I needed (yay new shoes) and then left. My God was it hot, though. If the weather is nice tomorrow then I’m spending all of it sunbathing.

I feel really bad for not having anything to talk about, especially when you compare it with my huge rant about people being ignorant concerning the transgendered community. This post seems to fail in comparison. Oh, wait. Just thought of something. It’ll be small though (that’s what she said); not because I can’t be bothered but because I don’t really have much to say about it. When I was walking through town, heading to the shop, I noticed a homeless person sitting on the side asking for money. I had my headphones in, so I couldn’t hear him, but I knew for a fact he asked me for spare change all the same. But instead of saying “no, sorry” or even acknowledging him in some way, I just stared straight ahead and pretended like he didn’t exist. Why do we do this? I immediately noticed this was something wrong, yet I still did it. I notice it every time I do it, in fact, and yet I still don’t try and change it.

Why don’t we acknowledge the invisible people? Why don’t we give them spare change? I honestly don’t know. I feel embarrassed admitting it, yet I know tomorrow if I see a homeless person, I’ll still ignore them. Hopefully I’ll be able to change one day, but I guess before that I’ve got to realise why I do it. Help?

Follow me @Aell_

I know I’m posting this just a short while after posting my last one, but I wanted to talk about something now I’m calmer and don’t want to put a hole in me wall¹. I post to this blog because I like the thought of a part of me being out there. Maybe not making a difference but that someone is reading it and it is influencing their life. Maybe not in a major way, but you’ll read it and learn something new (either about me or just in general) and that’s an influence on you. I like that my existence has the ability to directly influence someone else’s. And I like that other people’s can influence mine, which is why I have things like Twitter and Facebook; I like recognising someone’s existence for the amazing thing that it is.

Anything I post on here will be something that means something to me. It all comes directly from the heart (or in the case of impromptu rants from my wooden head), which means I have emotions tied into it. If I had a camcorder to record all this you’d probably be able to see all the conflicting emotions that I go through when even putting up something as simple as my library rant. Why, then, do people think it’s fine to try and use that in an attempt to hurt me or belittle me? I just had someone turn around and use the story I told in “Perception is Key” against me by referring to me as “Lou” as opposed to “Aell” or “Grant”. It wasn’t done accidentally. It was done purposely, spitefully and maliciously. Do I care? Of course I care. It’s a part of me. By treating something like this as joke you are in itself treating me, the person behind the words, as a joke. Am I going to sit here and cry about it for days on end? No. Because I’m strong enough to not let it affect me that much. When I posted that post I came to terms with it and accepted it as a part of me, as a part of who I am, and whilst it’s embarrassing… it’s made me who I am today and I’m proud of that person.

In my anger streak that just passed I was really considering leaving Discworld. Overdramatic, you might say, but it’s founded on good reasons. In real life, if someone is annoying you, you can either walk away, hit them, or overpower them with an argument. If someone is annoying you on Discworld, you can put them on ignore, but that doesn’t stop them killing you and dragging your corpse away, and thus inconveniencing you. Why does it effect me so? I don’t play the game for me anymore.I have achieved what I have wanted to achieve. I’m a player who is recognised by people. What more could I want? Now, I play so that I can help others. I’m a newbiehelper, a playtester, a member of guild admin, a typesetter for one newspaper and a reporter for the other, an owner of a shop and generally just a nice person². To have people personally attack me (verbally, not physically) is disappointing to say the least. What can I do about it? I can’t argue with them. Emotions vital to an argument can barely be displayed through text in an effective way. I can’t kill them. So I just let them ruin my game? No. If it continues I’ll consider leaving some more. I don’t want to be in a community where people don’t respect you, or you have no way of properly defending yourself when they do.

Someone said to me, and this is a word for word quote, “Well if you will put something on the internet it does mean ANYONE can read it, then you cant complain if someone uses it to make bitchy comments” Why not? Yes, I’m putting the information up, and I am leaving myself open to attacks, but I don’t gotta like it.

G.

<sup>1. Yes, I have anger problems. Tell me something I don’t know.
2. No, I’m not trying to blow my own horn here. I do think I’m nice.</sup>

I’m having big trust issues lately. First my old best friend totally betrayed me and stopped talking to me for no apparent reason, and now my current best friend has stopped talking to me for something stupid¹ (Mmmm, that’s two people that have stopped talking to me. What’s the common denominator here? Me. I should get cards saying “life wrecker”.)

It’s a shame because I like trusting people. That feeling that you know for a fact that this person will never, ever hurt you, and will be there for you no matter what. That’s trust. But when people betray your trust so many times you kind of have problems doing it again.

What to do? Do I let people in again, only to get hurt once more? Or do I keep everyone out and never get the chance to be completely happy again.

Grant.

^{1. What makes the situation doubly hilarious is his excuse was about me betraying his trust when most of our friendship was built on lies he’d told me. Oh, the sharp blade of irony.}

I was wondering, what magical power would you pick if you could pick any? It can only be one, and it can’t be the power to have any power, or the power to make anything you want happen, or anything like that. Just a normal magical power. Reply in a comment here with what power you’d pick and why.

I can’t decide, really. I’m trying to think whilst I write this as it’s probably a mixture of a few things that would help me decide. There’s so much to factor into it: Do I want to use my power for good or evil? Do I want to help my family, myself or the whole world? Do I want a quick fix or a power that’ll work in the whole grand scheme of things?

At the moment, it’s a mix between “orbing” (a telelportation/telekinesis power from Charmed) or telepathy. With the former, I’d be able to go anywhere I wanted to, and move anything I wanted, with just a single thought. If I wanted to use my powers for evil, I could easily empty vaults, or I could get into secret places without anything stopping me. I’d be the world’s deadliest Assassin, and no one could stop me. Then again, if I wanted to use my powers for good, I’d easily be able to travel around the world and help people; I could move vast amounts of medicine with the blink of an eye… I could go and see anyone I wanted to.

Alternatively, if it was the latter, there’d be no stopping what I couldn’t know. No information would be secret, I’d be able to know if people were lying to me or not. I think that’d be pretty awesome too.

I think I’m gonna stick with the teleportation one. That’s the best.

Grant