Oh boy: Summer is here, the Strawberry festival is coming up, and there will be rides and booths and about a thousand drunk and stoned people.
Why can’t people just enjoy fun things without screwing with their brain chemistry? Won’t it make it seem like they’re way more lame once they try it without drugs? Suuuuure the rides are kind of lame and rickety sometimes, but.. they’re still fun. Even the terrifying upside-down ride is kind of fun. (It’s scary. )
Well, anyways! I look forward to it despite all the people that are going to be stupid. It sucked last year due to underlying happiness failures, but this year should be good! (Aside from one of my best friends moving away to one of the Carolinas for ever and ever)
Too bad everything costs money.
SUMMERSUMMERSUMMER.
(Baby alpacas = Win)

I. Am. Not. Happy.
What sort of a boyfriend says that if his girlfriend goes to cry, he’s dumping her? No, no, no. I said that I needed to excuse myself, so that I could not be seen by my family crying, after he said “This relationship is not fucking worth it.”
No.
He had me hold his weed, so that he could not get caught by his mother, who was suspicious. I was more than happy to, and I might have suggested it. I went to his birthday party, and forgot to bring his weed back to him, so he had me call my dad and ask him to bring me my bag and my bass guitar so we could do some music and look over an English assignment. He found the weed, and replaced it with cat shit from our litterbox. Oh ho ho. How FUN. When I went home we had a really delightful conversation in the car, and then my dad said that he’d be picking my boyfriend up an hour and a half before we wanted to go to the zoo, and we would have to do the best hour-and-a-half working in the field we’ve ever done. Pretty much on penalty of DOOM.
Boy refused, saying he’d stay home and talking about how our relationship wasn’t worth all this bullshit, and about all the problems I cause him..
I don’t know what to do.
I really, really don’t.
This was a terrible post. It talked about a little problem, and didn’t go into anything that’s REALLY the matter, but I don’t even know, so I couldn’t even begin to tell you.
Now he’s telling me that he’s not tired of me, he’s tired of our relationship. He says he still needs me close in his life, but our relationship needs to change or go away.
What the fuck does that even MEAN?
I’m so confused and upset.

And whining.
A lot.
Sorry.
I’ve just been scared, and a lot of different stuff has been happening, and I don’t know who I can talk to, or what to do.

Okay. I have no idea how long this is, as I’m typing it in a little box. Really sorry if it’s horrid.

So. Some atoms will, I’m not entirely sure why, suddenly and wholly expel all of their negativity, leaving only positives. (and radiation paaaarticles)
It would be awesome if people could do that. If we could just shoot out all of our negativity and all that goodness, the world would be a pretty awesome place. And besides, the positive radiation could de-negate some other people, too.
Mornin’.

Well.. the [smoking] friend’s been going to counseling [for a number of things, but it's not his choice] and he’s decided that he really doesn’t want to be smoking anymore. Before he even went to counseling today, he gave me his [only] pack of cigarettes. [I've set them away.] I’m just so, so, so happy and proud of him for being able to make that sort of decision on his own, and it’s good to know that he can still prioritize properly.
That’s a big, fatty silver lining to my cloud. I’m loving it.
That’s all.
[overuses brackets]

What do you do when someone keeps making promises but never holds to them? Even the most trivial ones that are broken seem to add up, but when it’s something that affects a person’s well-being, mental or physical.. it gets to be a bit too much.
Someone important to me has been smoking cigarettes. When he first started, he promised he’d not do it more than once a month, and then when the pack that he had was gone, he wouldn’t try to get them again. Now.. he keeps buying them from people. He’s smoking up to twice a day, and is going to where it’s not safe or legal for him to be doing it. (I know the number is quite low compared to most people who smoke, but still.. that’s he’s smoking.. am I overreacting?) He tries to justify it to both me and himself by smoking the ‘least harmful’ cigarettes and saying that only the additives are what’re bad for you. (I don’t know if he’s right or not) He then promised to stop by the time summer came, but now.. now he says that it would be unrealistic to plan to stop entirely, yet claims that his ‘level of addiction’ is low. How horrible is that to say that being free is unrealistic to hope for? I’m just.. disgusted. And sad. I don’t like seeing the person that I care most about being so careless with himself. I just hope that he can work through his difficulties, and that he’ll let me help.
Hm. First blog post ever. I wonder how that went.